Engaging Teenagers with Stories about What’s Left Out of Polite Conversations

Conduct a poll and there are chances that most people will have at least one interesting incident to quote from those glorious years of their lives — adolescence. And if you dare ask about one misconception they had had about sex, be prepared to receive some hilarious and noteworthy responses.

When I was eight, one of my friends broke the truth to me. She told me that girls bleed every month. “Stop lying”, I had said. She swore that it was the truth. But I never believed her until puberty struck.

Well! Things ain’t very different two decades later. Teens are just as confused and curious. With information readily available, teens ask much more evolved questions. Nevertheless, they need guidance to navigate their maze of emotions, understand their own bodies and have their questions answered.

Without a manual and without an adult who is willing to listen, teenagers turn to Google (equivalent to the banned magazines of our generation) and receive an overdose of information. If not that, they turn to their equally uninformed friends for answers. Both the methods are a BIG fail.

Why Storytelling and Sexuality Education?

Discussion around sexuality can make some teens uncomfortable. They laugh, or smirk, or shut down while talking about sexuality. Stories about sexuality, even if found in Indian mythology, have become a taboo.

In every culture, oral tradition has served as an anchor for passing on messages. Some narrate these stories, some sing them, some read them, some present them with puppets or other techniques. I wondered if stories could bring some grace to taboo topics amongst teens.

Storytellers often critique teens for being difficult. They complain that teens are glued to gadgets but demonstrate zilch patience to sit and listen to them. Once, I was invited to a school to tell stories to a group of graduating teens. No gadgets, no visuals in the background and yet they devoured the stories. I knew then that teens enjoyed stories as much as anyone else. It was time to ignore what others had said about teen audiences.

Step one was to demystify the fact that sexuality is all about sex, safer sex, sexual abuse and STDs. Because it is not. Sexuality is also about one’s beliefs, understanding of reality and to make responsible choices. It could be about something as simple as sibling rivalry and coping with emotions…. or something as serious as STDs.

Step two was to use stories to foster healthy conversation. I do this by NOT ending my stories. I stop midway at the point of conflict to ask open ended questions that can steer listeners toward the conclusion of the story. There is no right or wrong. There can be more than one ending.

A Story Example….

This is a well-known Indian story that I use while talking to teens about body image.

Once upon a time there was a village where either people had one hair, two hairs or no hair. Those with two hairs were considered beautiful.

In the village, there were two sisters: Ekki and Dokki. Ekki had one hair and Dokki had two hairs on her head. Everybody appreciated Dokki with her two hairs. “Oh how beautiful you look Dokki!”, they exclaimed. “Ekki. Why don’t you do something about your hair? It looks horrible.”, they told her.

Dokki was very proud of her two hairs. She made fun of Ekki and never took Ekki along to play with her when she went out with her friends.

Activity to trigger conversation:

Step 1: Place two scarfs of different colours at two opposite spots in the room. Ask everyone who has been teased or bullied because of their appearance to walk and stand around one scarf and the rest to stand around another. Ask them to look around in the room. After giving them a moment, ask them if they would like to share any particular incident when they were teased about their appearance. Listen patiently. And while listening, consider asking the following questions wherever appropriate:

1. How did that make you feel?
2. Did you do something about it?
3. Did the person stop teasing you after you took action?
4. Do you think what they said is true?
5. If you were to say something to the person who teased you, what would you say?

Step 2 (optional): Now, ask if anyone has ever teased someone else about their appearance, to stand around a particular scarf and the others to move towards the other scarf. Ask them:

1. How did that make you feel?
2. Some may say that they just meant it as a joke. If it was meant as a joke, did you ever check with the other person — to see if they took it as a joke?
3. Is there anything you would like to do about that?

Continue with the story:

One day Ekki got so tired of all the taunts that she ran into a forest. In the forest there was peace. Suddenly Ekki heard a sound that said,” I am thirsty. Can someone please give me water?” Ekki looked everywhere until she saw a plant. Nearby there was a small stream. So Ekki got handfuls of water to pour on the roots of the plant. “Thank you Ekki.”, the plant said. “You are welcome.”, Ekki said happily.

Ekki walked further into the forest. Then she heard a voice saying,”Can someone please feed me? I am hungry.” Ekki saw a cow tied to a tree that looked very hungry. She fed her some grass and even untied the rope. “Thank you Ekki.”, the cow said. “You are welcome.”, Ekki said.

Ekki went deeper into the forest. Now she was hot and thirsty herself. She saw a cottage and looked inside. “Hello. Is anyone there?”, she called out.

“Aah. I have been waiting for you my dear.”, an old lady said. “Come in.”

Ekki was surprised but went inside. She felt cooler. Then the old lady said,”Your bath water is ready. Oil your head and body first before your bath.”

Ekki said, “No. No. I don’t need a bath. I am fine. Thank you.”

But the lady insisted, “Listen to me. Do as I say.”

So Ekki put oil on first, then took a bath.

When she removed the towel from her head, she had long, silky hair. Ekki was so happy that she kept saying thank you to the old lady. The old lady told her to go home and always be happy.

Ekki ran all the way home. On her way, she met the cow and the cow gave her sweet milk. When she was close to her house, the plant allowed her to take some rest in it’s shade. When she reached home, she told everyone what had happened. Her family, friends and neighbours marvelled at her changed appearance.

Let the children continue the story…

When Dokki heard Ekki’s story, what do you think she did?

The rest of the story…

Dokki ran into the forest and didn’t even hear the plant or the cow asking for help. When she saw the old lady she said,” Is the water ready for my bath?” When she finished her bath and removed the towel from her head, she screamed. Dokki didn’t have a single hair left on her head. She cried all the way home.

Now she understood how her sister must have felt. She thanked Ekki for not making fun of her.

[End the session with the children writing an apology letter from Dokki to Ekki.]

Is conversation the only way forward?

There are some topics that cannot be approached with a one-size-fits-all outlook.

Sexuality, definitely, is one. We can encourage teens to ask questions so they do not feel the need to experiment secretly. Unless we remove the judgements from our minds, we will never be able to help our children understand themselves and grow. Maybe conversation is the only path to change.

With this conviction, I began conducting trainings with teenagers in schools, community libraries, and summer camps. It was not easy. Teenagers do not want to listen to love stories and stories that are ‘Oh So Emotional!’.

I receive validation from them when they come back and ask me about condoms, menopause, rape, single parents, test tube babies, and, most recently about “Me Too”. I know they felt safe enough to talk about things that probably, in their minds, could not or should not be spoken about. After creating an opening with stories, Ihave frank conversations with many of them. Here are some examples:

Children asked, “if sex is to reproduce, then why do people use condoms?” And here is how I responded to it.

“Is it Ok to flirt with girls? Then why do girls cry when boys flirt only for fun?”

When I told “The elephant and The Monkey”, a bunch of girls complained about troublesome boys in their classroom. To which the boys went red faced and told me that they feel hurt when they do something for fun and the girls complain about it to their teachers. Lots of apologies were exchanged that afternoon.

After a story about how to be supportive, a debate broke out in the classroom which veered towards career and men shouldering more financial responsibilities than women. When I reminded them that we were only talking about the topic of support, they, on their own, started listing things that they could do to show more support for one another.

These experiences keep me motivated to tell stories to open conversations about topics that are often left out of “polite” conversations. There is never an end to learning, and there is never an end to conversations. It is true that no manual could possibly cover everything that needs to be said, but a safe space and the availability of a trusted adult can go a long way in a child’s life.

This article was first published in National Storytelling Network’s Storytelling Magazine, Canada in the March 2020 issue.