#MeToo: Questions that Teenagers and Young Adults are asking
It was the August of 2018. I walked into a room full of 11th graders to help them understand about their career path through stories. We were halfway into the session when one of the boys started striking at a girl with a stick in a fun and friendly way. The girl was quiet before she slipped into a teary-eyed discomfort.
Repeated requests to the boy to stop went unheard. So, taking the stick from him I asked the boy to apologise to the girl. There was no apology. Instead, he turned to the girl and said, “You want me to say sorry? Are we not friends? Don’t you know I was just joking?”
When I insisted for an apology, another boy said, “It is her fault also, Akka (elder sister). She never stops him. She also likes it. That’s why she encourages him. What is his fault in all this, Akka?” In the next minute or so, almost half the boys in that room were echoing similar thoughts.
Well, what happened next is a story for another day.
Now, can you tell this story to an adolescent/ young adult? If you do, once you finish the story, ask them the following questions:
- Is it Ok to hit someone?
- Why do you think the girl kept quiet even if she felt uneasy?
- If you were in the place of that girl, what would you have done?
- Do you think the boy was hitting the girl for some reason?
- Could the teacher have done anything else?
When I told this story and asked these questions to a teen friend, we spoke for hours. We spoke about empathy, weakness, mental health, physical abuse, emotional abuse, patriarchy and #MeToo. Over a period I realised that many teenagers were asking these questions about #MeToo. Here is my attempt to answer the questions that came my way:
What is #MeToo?
To understand #MeToo better, we first have to understand feminism.
Feminism is about having a voice to ask for individual freedom to make choices in life about health, sexuality, how to act, behave, speak, present ourselves — just about anything. It is not about men and women being same, especially biologically. Feminism is about fighting for equal rights and opportunities despite biological differences and weaknesses.
It has taken many years for inequality to breed. Though it was the order of the day in the past, some regressive ideas have led to some people being treated as superior and more powerful than the other. As a result, the other group have started believing that they are weak and dependent and that they needed to follow certain absurd norms and guidelines. Questioning the absurdity of these norms gave rise to the feminist movement. It slowly became a social and political movement for equality.
Some Fact: The term ‘Me Too’ was coined in 2006 by Tarana Burke to help girls of colour who survived sexual violence. These words were passed on by one survivor to another to let them know that they were not alone. It was used to show empathy and to connect with other survivors.
It turned into a twitter hashtag when actress Alyssa Milano twitted asking her followers to share their stories of sexual assault using #MeToo. The stories that sparked the #MeToo movement won the 2018 Pulitzer Prize under public service category for reporting stories of sexual violence.
What is the meaning of sexual harassment?
All of us have the right to decide our boundaries including sexual boundaries. Sexual harassment is when someone violates our sexual boundary in any one of the following ways:
- Verbal harassment: jokes, cat-calls, rumors or comments
- Cyber harassment: posts on social media, texting and emails
- Physical harassment: unwanted touching, kissing or sexual acts
- Nonverbal harassment: gestures or writing sexually explicit things about someone
- Unwanted Behavior: stalking or phone calls
Some Fact: In 1970s there were a lot of women joining the workforce. One lady called Lin Farley, while talking to her students found out that many women were quitting their jobs because the behaviour of some men in their office made them feel uncomfortable. Lin Farley wrote a book and called this behaviour ‘sexual harassment’.
Is ‘sexual harassment’ same as bullying?
They are similar. But not the same. There are many behaviours that can be categorised as sexual harassment. Some examples are:
- Comments about somebody’s appearance or clothes when it is unwanted
- Using sexualised words in a degrading/ humiliating way
- Deliberately touching someone’s body when it is unwanted
- Repeated requests for date or sexual activity even after the other person involved has expressed disinterest
- Pictorial or actual display of obscenity
- Stalking
- Trivial jokes about somebody’s gender, body, appearance, etc
- Any other verbal or non-verbal communication of sexual nature
Is there something in our country’s law about sexual harassment?
In India, there are many provisions under the Indian Penal Code which lays down punishment for sexually harassing someone. The Sexual Harassment (Prohibition, Prevention and Redressal Act) specifically addresses issues related of sexual harassment of women at workplace. Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act specifically addresses issues related to Child Sexual Abuse.
Some Fact: In 1980, the term sexual harassment was legally defined for the first time in the world. First set of guidelines defining sexual harassment at workplace was crafted.
In 1991, a lady in the US called Anita Hill, publicly testified that her boss, who was nominated as an Associate Supreme Court Justice, had sexually harassed her. After this testimony, within five years, cases of sexual harassment increased drastically.
Here is a timeline that gives more details about the history of the term ‘sexual harassment’.
Why do people rely on social media to tell their #MeToo stories?
One may wonder if people are writing on social media to get likes and to get famous. One may wonder why can’t these women talk to their friends and families instead. But unless more people hear these stories, they will not know that these stories are common and that they happen to most women. Unless these stories are spoken about in larger forums, there will always be unnecessary shame attached to these stories.
Some Fact: In the past women have taken the help of journalists to tell their stories. But a journalist’s investigation process takes long. Sometimes media is not willing to cover a story. Social media eliminates these complications by allowing a survivor to tell a story in the way they want, to a larger audience. Groups on social media then organise themselves and decide whether they want to stand in support or against such stories. People reach out to each other and that is one way in which a supportive community is built.
Why are all women speaking only now?
Women started speaking around 40 years ago. But #MeToo became like a wildfire now through social media. People saw how deep this problem is in our society.
“Until the lion tells his side of the story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.”, goes a saying. Until now, women who experienced sexual violence did not speak up because they were afraid of being shamed for what they experienced amongst other reasons. One woman sharing her story helped others realise that there is no shame in sharing these stories. So, they came together and with the help of #MeToo, they are now confronting the bullies.
Some Fact: Alyssa Milano received more than 500,000 responses within 24hours with #MeToo. And the stories are still pouring in.
How is #MeToo empowering women?
Sometimes we don’t listen to our own body’s signals when we feel uncomfortable or feel like something is not right. We choose to keep quiet. Over years, people felt that sexual harassment was something private and shameful which should not be acknowledged. #MeToo has empowered women by proving that:
- speaking up is more powerful than keeping quiet
- there is a sense of solidarity amongst women
- we can hope for actions with desired outcomes in terms of legal solutions
- we must trust our body’s signals and our own feelings
- there is no shame in talking about abuse when one goes through it
- the victim of abuse does not have to feel guilty or worry about if they did something to provoke the abuser
- it helps in educating other people about what sexual violence means
Most of all, #MeToo has brought in survivors from across the world in support of each other. The collective sharing of stories have helped in questioning actions.
Are these stories on social media enough to say that the people named are guilty?
Writing a story on social media does not mean that legal action would be initiated against the perpetrator. People have to approach the Courts if they need legal justice.
If writing stories on social media does not mean taking legal action, then what are the options available to the victim?
- The victim can file a criminal case against the harasser. What this means is that, the Courts will take up the case and look into it. And if found guilty, the harassers will be punished by the Court as per what is mentioned in the law. This can be done only within three months of the harassment.
- The victim can ask for different kinds of justice. Eg: they can ask for financial compensation or they can ask the companies where they work, to ask the harasser to leave the job. The companies will take actions according to their policies after their investigation.
What happens in cases where there are stories which are more than three months old?
There are two options available in such cases:
- If the harassment was in workplace/ office, the victim can file a complain with the company. Most companies have a committee (a group of people) to look into things and complaints like this.
- They can approach the Court and request the magistrate to file their complaint. The magistrate then asks the police to file the complaint. Courts have special rights to say no to the three months time period.
What other good things have happened after these stories have been told on social media?
- #MeToo has empowered women by making them aware that sexual harassment in any form is not acceptable. Organisations and professionals from different fields have come together to take steps towards creating a safe work culture.
- The Home Minister has constituted a ‘Group of Ministers’ (GoM) to look into #MeToo. The GoM will also work towards strengthening the legal framework to deal with prevention of sexual harassment at workplace
- Some offices have asked people who have been accused to leave their jobs. Like MJ Akbar, Minister of State of External Affairs, has quit his job as a minister. Many heads of various corporates like Flipkart and Tata Motors, professor of IISc have also quit their jobs.
What can men do if they are victims of sexual abuse?
Men can also report their stories on social media and file charges against the person who has sexually abused them. If it is a workplace harassment, they can speak with the Human Resources team of the organisation and work together.
Not just men and women, even people from LGBTQIA+ communities experience sexual violation and they too could call out people and seek legal action against their perpetrators.
Though most stories that has been reported under #MeToo are stories by women, it is more about how people misuse their powerful positions and status. It is not about shaming a particular gender or a particular community.
Is it necessary to share stories of sexual harassment?
Yes, it is necessary. But it is not compulsory. Whether or not to share a story is a choice that each person can make. However, if you are a child or a teenager reading this, please do not hesitate to talk to an adult who you trust about anybody’s behaviour that does not feel right. That adult could be your parent, teacher, your elder sibling, a friend or anyone else who you trust.
What do I do if a friend tells me something about himself/ herself?
Please listen to your friend without any judgement. If the friend does not want to share it with anyone else or on social media, respect their decision. But if both of you are children or teenagers, tell your friend that she/ he must share it with an adult who they can trust. Once you have heard your friend, you may have questions about a lot of things. You are always free to ask these questions to an adult who you trust.
To adults: If you are the trusted adult who the child is reaching out to, please listen without judgement and answer their questions with as much clarity as possible. If you need help with some answers on safety and sexuality, you can also reach out to 09266021333/ 5090913 — a 24/7 infoline run by TARSHI which is available in both English and Hindi from anywhere in India.
Picture credits: Kiran Joan. Kiran paints, sculpts and illustrates. Get in touch on kiran.joan@gmail.com / www.behance.net/JoanKiran / Instagram: @privatejoanx.
This article is written with inputs from Sannidhi Surop who is currently training to become an Expressive Arts Therapist.
